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— This is a transcribed copy of Battle of the Century. —
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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[episode starts]

Simon: It is finished. No one will laugh at me again. With my new creation No monster will escape the grasp Of Simon... The monster hunter!

Gromble: Simon the monster hunter-- The number one threat to the monster world. We have not heard from our nemesis in over a year.

Snav: Maybe he gave up. Maybe we scared him so much he's never coming back.

Gromble: A human like Simon never gives up! He's up to something-- I can sense it. But what? Someone must go above ground And see what he's up to. Any volunteers?

Ickis: Sorry I'm late. What, What?


Ickis: Of all the rotten luck. Looks okay to me.

Simon: The time has come To unleash the ultimate monster-hunting machine-- The imon-mobile!

[Squealing, Ickis runs away.]

Gromble: Ickis, what is it!?

Ickis: We're all gonna DIE!

Simon: Here comes Simon!


Gromble: All right, hurry, hurry! We must act fast.


Simon: The right tool For the right job.

Gromble: quickly, students. For all we know, simon could be on his way.

Simon: Here comes Simon!

Recording: we're sorry, this number Is not in service. This is a recording.

Gromble: It's hideous. It's filthy. It's, it's perfect!

Simon: Nothing. Nothing in this world can stop me now.

Officer: May I see your driver's license, please?


Gromble: oblina, krumm I want you to know that I chose you As my crew because of your brains Your frightfulness and bravery Exhibited throughout the school year.

Ickis: What about me?

Gromble: Ickis, I chose you because I don't want you out of my sight. Now, everyone on to your stations.

Officer: [laughing] Your taillight is out, but I'm going to let you off with a warning. Now go on... [ Snorting laugh] ...get out of here.

Gromble: It's not starting.

Oblina: Hmm. Maybe it's the skinkiator The gunk shaft, or the crudolytic converter.

Ickis: WE'RE DOOMED! We're dead! Goodbye, Oblina! Goodbye, Krumm! Krumm?

Gromble: It's quiet.

Ickis: Quiet is good.

Gromble: Too quiet. Here ihecomes! Monster your station! Let the battle begin!

Simon: It won't start! Come here, little monsters. Uncle simon is here To take you away.

Snav: Hey, what's going on?

Simon: I'm good, I'm good I'm really, really good.

Oblina: Maybe it is the gruel pump or the hair filter.

Ickis: The end is near! This is it! I don't wanna die!

Krumm: Be right back.

Gromble: Krumm, you're a genius!


Gromble: Ickis, monster the devaculizer!

Ickis: Aye aye, sir!

Gromble: Oblina, load the gorpedo!

Oblina: Aye aye, sir!

Gromble: Krumm?

Krumm: Aye sir. Sir?

Gromble: Prepare to fire! Bullseye.

Simon: Curses! Well, it's going to take A lot more than that to scare away Simon the monster hunter.

Oblina: What is he doing now?

Gromble: He is going to douse us... With perfume.

Simon: You're mine now, freaks.

Gromble: Don't breathe. We'll activate the anti-toilette resistance system.


Simon: [coughs] You want to play rough... eh? I'll show you... I'll show you rough! Eat suds!

Krumm: We're clean!

Gromble: Quiet! So, we're clean. Let's get dirty!


Krumm: We did it! We beat Simon!


Ickis: The lamp...

Oblina The lamp...

Gromble: The lamp..

Krumm: the lamp...

All: The lump...

Simon: I've done it! I've done it! I won! Victory Victory is mine! You are the losers And I am the winner! I'll be famous. I'll write a book. Let's see, uh, maybe a Las Vegas show. Yeah, yeah, "Simon and his amazing monsters." I'll make them jump through hoops And wear funny hats. Maybe a closing kick number, a chorus line. Yes! You! Did you really think you could match the genius Of Simon the monster hunter with this piece of... Junk?!


Simon: Whoa. What's going on? Stop! Stop! What do you think you're doing?! You'll ruin everything!


Simon: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[The lava lamp breaks.]

Gromble: What's happening?


Simon: Get back here you cowards!

Oblina: We have done it! We've won!

Gromble: We did?


Simon: Are you afraid of Simon the...Yikes!

Gromble: There, my little creepy crew The lesson for Simon and the entire human world. Don't mess with monsters! Although I'm sure we'll see him again someday And we'll be ready. Let's go home.

Ickis: Can I drive?

Gromble: No.

Simon: Hello? I'm locked in the trunk! Oh, those monsters make me so mad! But I'll be back. I'll be back!