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— This is a transcribed copy of Cement Heads. —
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Who'll Stop the Brain?" Next: "Ickis and the Red Zimbo"

[episode starts]

Man: Why would they wanna tear a beautiful old building like this?

Man 2: Ah, no one wanted to live here anymore. They say it was haunted.

Man: Haunted? Get out of here.

Man 2 Yeah! Night after night people would hear voices-- Three of them.

Man: And you believe that punk? Don't tell meyou believe in ghosts.

Man 2: You think I'm some sort of head case? I don't believe in ghosts.

Voice: Hey, they think we're ghosts. Ghosts always get all the credit.

Voice 2: Hey, they think we're ghosts. Ghosts always get all the credit.

Voice 3: Yeah.

Man: Did you hear what I heard?

[The two men flee. Then come out were the monsters.]

Krumm:: Call me crazy But I don't think there's anybody here.

Ickis: Oh come on! it's a big building It can't just be Totally empty.

Oblina: Well, this is certainly a fine kettle of worms. All dressed up and no one to scare.

Ickis: Do you guys get the feeling somebody's watching us?

Oblina: Oh, come now, Ickis. It is obvious this place has been completely abandoned.

Voice 2: Get us out of here.

All: AH!

Voice: Don't be so jumpy. We're monsters too, you know.

Voice: Yeah. I'm Chimera, this is Echnida.

Echnida: Charmed, I'm sure.

Chimera: And this is Typhon.

Typhon: Yo.

Ickis: What are you going up there?

Chimera: Never mind that now. Chisel us out of here, will you?

Ickis: Sure,

Oblina: Wait, Ickis. Something tells me they belong up there.

Echnida: Watch it lips. You don't know nothing about nothing.

Chimera: Yeah, Look we're prisoners. but we ain't supposed to be. Hear me out, long time ago...

Echnida: Exactly 75 years, two months, one week and four days ago.

Typhon: Hey, who's telling the story here?

Chimera: As I was saying, once upon a time, three monsters Burst into the first monster toenail treasury They sprayed the place with perfume That smelled like fresh flowers in springtime.

Krumm: that had to hurt.

Chimera: brutal.Then they tied everybody up With salt water taffy Stuffed a bag full of toenails and got away.The toenails were never found. Meanwhile, my friends and I Were minding our own business when... ell, I'll make a long story short, we were convicted. But it was all circumstantial evidence. They claimed the same flavor taffy used to tie up The monsters at the scene of the crime Was found on a sock in our room. We were sentenced to life in this building. It was a setup. I swear, we were set up

Echnida: We are absolutely, 100 % not guilty.

Typhon: Yeah.

Chimera: You know how it feels To be blamed for something you didn't do? Ah, you've never been falsely accused. You've never been wrongfully punished When you know you were innocent. You're a kid.

Ickis: I'm not just a kid. I have had stuff happen to me, too, you know.

Chimera It's okay, we'll wait for a grownup to rescue us. I almost forgot-- it's a school night.

Ickis: School night, schmool night I don't have to go to school.

Krumm: You don't?

Ickis: Quiet, Krumm.

Echnida: Oh help! We're gonna be crushed into powder!

[???]

Krumm: Sorry.

Ickis: Let's get out of here.

Chimera: Come here, you. Do I love this kid or what?

Typhon:Yeah.

Chimera: Stick-lips and no-neck You weren't bad, either.

Oblina: Come on now, Ickis. The hour grows late.

Ickis: The hour grows late?

Krumm: Ickis, if we don't get back We'll get sent to the snorch.

Chimera: Snorch? Who's Snorch? Does he bother you? Do you want me to take care of the snorch for you? Well...just say the word.

Oblina: Say goodbye, Ickis.

Ickis: Goodbye. [yelps ]

Echnida: Ickis, is it? You know, ickis, so much has changed here Since we've been in the big house. What say you give us a little tour around town?

Chimera: Good idea, doll. I'd like to visit our old stomping grounds. We had some good times at the old farmhouse. Could you take us to the old farmhouse?

Oblina: am sure he would love to, however We must get back before curfew.

Krumm: We have a curfew?

Oblina: Quiet Krumm.

Chimera: Kid, you going to let her Make your decisions? Will you stand up for yourself?

Ickis: I'm with you guys. Let's stay up late.

[???]

Gromble: Oblina, krumm Seeing as the hour is late And I was enjoying a peaceful slumber I can't help but ask myself Why are you here?!

Krumm: We don't want to be tattletales, your gromblehood But we're worried about ickis.

Oblina: Yes. call me a rat, call me a snitch, call me a stoolie But I'm afraid we feel that ickis has fallen Into some bad company, mm-hmm.

Chimera: Where are we?

Ickis: Over there is where the old farmhouse used to be.

Chimera: Do I love this kid or what? I tell you, I love this kid.

Ickis: [choking and coughing] LEt go of my neck!

Gromble: The monsters you are describing can be none other than the notorious Taffy Gang! They are sinister, ruthless, and beyond rehabilitation. I was on the tribune of elders that put them away 75 years, two months, one week, and 4 days ago. Oblina, Krumm, Ickis could be in grave danger! TO THE OLD FARMHOUSE!!!

[The monsters leave.]

Ickis: So, um, this is what you guys consider a good time, huh?

Typhon: Yeah.

Ickis: Those were toenails from the robbery. You lied to me!

Echnida: Don't worry, ickis. You helped us find them, you'll get your share.

Ickis: Um, I think it's a little past my curfew. After all, it is a school night.

Chimera: Sorry, kid. We can't let you go. You're out too late and you're in too deep.

[The imp whimpers and fast as he can he stomps Typhon's foot and escapes.]

Echnida: Where did he go?

Chimera: Don't worry, doll. He can run but he can't hide. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

[???]

Ickis: [coughs] Whoops.

Chimera: There he is!

Ickis: Bye bye!

Krumm: Look! There's Ickis!

Oblina: Come on, Krumm!

Gromble: Wait, oblina. We mustn't blunder in. We must have a strategy.

Chiemra: Gromble.

Gromble. Hello, chimera, I wondered where you hid the toenails.

Echnida: Let's get him.

Typhon: Yeah.

Chimera: Wait, don't lose your heads you too. First things first.

Ickis: Hey watch that ow! Oh, I wish I was a better judge of character.

Gromble: Don't do it, Chimera.

Chimera: Tell you what, gromble We'll make a deal with you, the toenails for the kid.

Ickis: Sounds like a good deal to me.

Gromble: No deals with hostage takers, chimera.

Ickis: What? No deals with hostage takers? What is this world coming to? If you can't deal with a hostage taker, who can you deal with?

Gromble: All right, all right! Let go of ickis and I'll give you the toenails.

Chimera: The toenails first.

[???}

Chimera: Come here, you.

[???]

Oblina: Good work, no neck.

Krumm: Likewise, stick lips.

Gromble: I'm so proud of you, my little dump deputies!

[They laugh.]

Ickis: Your Grombleness, what's gonna happen to them?

Gromble: Oh, I believe these bad little monsters will be doing some serious...hard time.

Chimera: Boy oh boy, I hate that kid!

Typhon: Yeah.

Echnida: Lousy no good snitch. [A vehicle runs over her.] Ouch! That hurt!

Chimera: Just wait till I get my - OW - claws on him - OH - snow tire - OUCH!

[The camera zooms out on the cloverleaf as vehicles repeatedly run the Taffy Gang over.]

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