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— This is a transcribed copy of I Heard the Snorch Call My Name. —
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(Munching and snorting)

Krumm: (Imitating Gromble): Stop having fun, you monsters. Stop it right now!

[Ickis laughing]

Oblina: [angered] Oh, I have had it with you two. Is there no one in this dump with a brain? Really, I just... Oh! Excuse me.

Zimbo: But why? Why does Snorch Desire the friendship of Oblina?

Snorch: (Moans)

Zimbo: Intellectual stimulation? From that stick? You make Zimbo laugh, ha! Zimbo is your only true friend. Only Zimbo truly understands you, Snorch.

Snorch: (Wailing)

Zimbo: Only Zimbo truly cares about you, Snorchy-Poodles. Stop that infernal sobbing, you sniveling wimp.


Zimbo: Excuse the intrusion, o wise and benevolent Gromble. You see, our dear friend, the Snorch, has a problem.

Gromble: My door is always open. Except when it's closed.

Zimbo: Come on, Snorchy-poo. Tell Gromble what's bothering you.

Snorch: (Grunts)

Zimbo: The Snorch says that although I do a fabulous job Of translating his words A passable job of translating his words He would love to speak for himself.

Gromble: Speak for himself? But that's impossible. We've tried everything To teach the Snorch our language. I'm sorry, we just can't help you. But maybe there's someone who can... Dr. Buzz Kut!

Buzz Kut: No time for idle chitchat, Gromble. So, Snorch wants to talk. Say "ah." Excuse me?

Zimbo: You see Snorch already speaks-- Through me, through Zimbo.

Buzz Kut: Boy, that must be tiresome for everybody. If you'll excuse me Say "ah." Wow, those are thick vocal cords. This is going to be a real long shot. We have one chance: The Kut Translator 3000, A corrugated steel air filter Welded to a rust-reinforced chain link fence.

Zimbo: This thing, this contraption Will it allow my Snorchy-poo to talk?

Buzz Kut: If the Kut 3000, works better Than the previous 2999, that failed, yes. I shall now turn on the Kut 3000. Stand back. I've done all I can. Time to get cracking on the Kut 3000.

Snorch: There's No need to do that, Dr. Kut.

Zimbo: Ay caramba, he talking.

Buzz Kut: I can't believe it-- I mean, I never doubted for a second.

Gromble: Now class, what did the great monster philosopher Sniv mean When he said, "to err is human, to scare divine"? Poor Oblina, you must get so tired Of carrying the entire class But if no one else can answer...

Snorch: No need to trouble Oblina, sir. What Sniv meant Was that the very soul and essence Of a monster is scaring. It is our history. Nay, even more, our identity. Take my life as a tragic example. It is a life wasted For my scares have been seldom and few.

Gromble: Thank you, Snorch.

Krumm: That was beautiful. What did he say?

Zimbo: This voice box is not good for you, Snorch. You must get rid of it.

Snorch: You don't know what's good for me Only what's good for you.

Oblina; Hello.

Snorch: Oblina.

Snorch: I was very impressed By your grasp of monster philosophy And I... Aah!


Oblina: yes, but do you not think it is right for a monster To probe the human psyche for hidden fears? It is our existence, after all.

Snorch: Yes, but as superior beings It is a monster's responsibility not to cause harm to humans. No matter what the temptation may be.

Oblina: What a pleasure to have stimulating conversation Instead of...

Krumm: Hey, Oblina, look.

Oblina: Instead of that.

Ickis: Hey, Oblina, we're going to go scare at the cemetery.

Oblina: Please, that is so 19th century. Besides, the Snorch and I have plans. So, if you will excuse us.

Snorch: Gentlemen, perhaps another time.

Ickis: "Oh, that's so 19th century." Oh, ever since that stupid voice box, all Oblina talks about is "the Snorch, the Snorch, the Snorch."

[Zimbo arrives at the cafeteria and confronts Ickis and Krumm.]

Zimbo: This is all your fault. The Snorch spends all his time with Oblina instead of with Zimbo. You will help Zimbo get the Snorch back.

Krumm: Help you? Why?

Zimbo: Perhaps the gromble would like to know Why krumm and ickis were late for class yesterday?

Ickis: So tell him. We don't care.

Zimbo: And perhaps he would also like to know Who sawed the heels off his favorite shoes.

Krumm: Yeah, so tell him. We don't ca...

Ickis: So, what do you want us to do?

Zimbo: I want you to make sure that the Snorch and Oblina are never alone. That they do not have a moment's peace together. At no time should they get the opportunity To enjoy each other's company alone.

Waiter: Uh, roofing tiles? Tar? Enjoy.

Oblina: Ooh, I've never heard of this place.

Snorch: Club sludge is my secret hideaway. I come here to watch the performance monsters Express their inner selves without words Just as I had to do. Not even Zimbo knows about it.

Zimbo: Hello, Snorch.

Ickis: It took us forever to find you.

Oblina: Oh, how fortunate for us.

Krumm: hey, Ickis, Oblina!


Oblina: Come, Snorch. Let us go and leave the playground To the children, shall we?

Krumm: I think we've just been insulted.

Ickis: I think I'm sure of it.

Zimbo: Zimbo will not take this lying down.

Snorch: Oblina, perhaps this is not wise.

Oblina: Accept it, Snorchy. You are no longer simply the school bully. You are like me: Slightly exceptional.

Ickis: They're going in there? Krumm, that's a fire and clang factory!


Oblina: Hello, what... Well, what is...? Help me. I feel so...

Snorch: Oblina! Oblina!

Zimbo: That is the sound of a Snorch in trouble. Hurry, hurry!

Snorch: Oblina:

Zimbo: Snorch, my friend. Your mouth is on fire. Don't worry. Zimbo will never, never leave you.

Snorch: ( Growling ): save... ( With difficulty ): oblina!



Coochie-coo, snorchy-face.

Ickis: Oblina, oblina!

Krumm: she's fainted from the heat.


Oblina: Ickis, Krumm.

Ickis: Oh, you're safe, Oblina.

Snorch: (Sizzling): Oblina, These are not your intellectual inferiors. These are your true friends.

Buzzkut: It's no use, he's strained his voice too badly. It will have to... Come out.

Oblina: Oh, poor snorchy.

Zimbo: Yes, poor snorchy-buns.

Ickis: What aboutanother voice box, doc?

Buzzkut: Your friend is too primitive. Those big vocal chords Will chew up anything we put in there.

Zimbo: Oh, what wonderful news! Wonderful in a terrible Kind of awful, challenging way.

Buzzkut: It's been fun But I must be off To work on my latest creation: A seeing eye tentacle.

Zimbo: oh, snorch Now it's just like old times.

Ickis: Well, they're together again.

Oblina: Yes, lovely, and so are we.

Krumm: Hey, Oblina, look.

Zimbo: Ah, the way it was meant to be. Snorch and Zimbo. Zimbo and Snorch. Oh, I am happy too. Yes, yes. But where is Oblina? I guess she only liked you When you had the voice box, eh?

Oblina: Snorch, where have you been? Did you forget that we were supposed to go To club sludge together, hmm? Come on.