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— This is a transcribed copy of Into the Woods. —
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "This is Your Brain on Ickis" Next: "Krumm Gets the Dreaded Nolox"

[It all started in a theater.]

Comedian: Seriously, folks I'm staying in a cheap hotel. My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked. Hello, hello? Is this an audience or an oil painting? A guy told me he hadn't had a bite in days. So I bit him. Ai-yo!

Man: You stink!

[??]

Gromble: Excellent! An excellent group scare. Now, continuing our discussion on scaring groups of humans. Who remembers why humans travel in groups?

Monster: They're sticky?

Gromble: No.

Monster: They're lonely?

Gromble: No, sloolup. If any of you so-called students bothered to Read your monster manual You would know that humans travel in groups Because they feel there is safety in numbers. The more humans, the less scared they think they are. Now, who hasn't shown us his group scare yet? What monster is left? Why, I believe it's... Ickis.

[???]

Gromble: Good job, Ickis. You must have spent weeks planning that one. THAT WAS PATHETIC! I wonder what your father, the great terrifying Slickis would think if he saw that anemic group scare? You've got until tomorrow to do a real group scare. Or you... will... be... EXPELLED!

[Ickis Gulps]

Gromble: And don't try to get your friends to help.

[???]

Ickis: What am I worried about? I could do a group scare all by myself. No, I can't! Who am I kidding? I know-- that human who saved me from simon the monster hunter. Bradley! Bradley, yes, yes! He knows about humans. He's been one for years... Poor guy. Wait, wait, wait. What does the monster manual say? Should monsters ask humans for help? "Never." "Never." Hmm, "never." "Ask humans for help or all monsters Are doomed"?! Get a grip, hmm? Get expelled. The end of all monsters. Get expelled. The end of all monsters. Bradley it is.

[???]

Dad: Here you go son. Flashlight, cantei, bug spray, dental flossing, beef Jerky plenty of zinoxide.

Bradley: Dad, everyone's gonna pick on me on this camping trip.

Dad: Oh, son, I was picked on when I went to camp. So was your grandfather. Of picked-on campers. Good-- just like I used to scream. You'll do our family proud. Bradley: Ickis?

Ickis: Bradley?

Bradley: Ickis what are you doing here?

Ickis: I was just in the neighborhood checking out the garbage. Care a monster just drop by?

Bradley: Listen Ickis, I'm busy right now. I gotta on this stupid camping trip.

Ickis: What's a stupid camping trip?

[Ickis curiously picks of the magnifying glass.]

Bradley: That's when you sleep on rocks with ten other guys and bugs crawl all over you. It's dark and scary.

Ickis: Sounds great. Wait. Ten other guys?

Bradley: Yeah. and they all pick on me.

Ickis: Bradley. I'm gonna go stupid camping with you and then I'll put a scare the shorts of those other guys.

Bradley: How?

Ickis: Good question. But I will scare them by a very scary method.

Bradley: Hey, what if you scare them and then I scare you then those guys won't think I'm a whimp.

Ickis: You? Scare me? Don't make me laugh.

Bradley: You hide in the woods, then I'll give you the signal. You'll scare them I'll chase you away And those guys will think I'm a hero.

Ickis: That could work. What's the signal?

Bradley: The signal is when I do this. I do this. And, and say "The little monster with the bunny rabbit ears appeared.

Ickis: How about you say "The big hairy monster with the huge pointy fangs ( Full of menace ): leaped onto his unsuspecting prey!"?

Bradley: That could work.

[???]

Kids: 99 jars on placed on the wall, 99 jars are place....

Bradley: Ow! Quit it.

Ickis: Wait!

[??]

Camper: The toenail fungus root, the hideous carcass root, the moldy cheese root. The screaming wombat root...

Bradley: Quit it!

Camper: And the hideous painful Mongolian death root. Discovered in by dr. Hans christian mendelssohn. later known as Stumpy.

Bradley: Help me!

Camper: Yes. Help me is exactly what Dr. Stumpy screamed when his feet were skered by the thorny spines. But no one heard his feeble cries. Well, kids, it's time for you busy campers to hit the old hay. Look what a fine example bradley is setting Already in his sleeping bag.

[???]

Ickis: Hello? Bradley?

Boy: Some say that man with the hook hand is still alive. I say they're right!

Bradley: That wasn't scary at all.

Boy: You were too scared.

Boy 2: Yeah cause you're mommy wasn't hear to hold you're hand.

Bradley: Well, if you get out of here, I'll tell you a real scary story that if you think you can handle it. One night, on a night much like this one.

[Back with Ickis.]

Ickis: Go away! Go find a human to eat.

Bradley: The boy ran and ran but there was no escape. Everywhere he look the creature was right behind him. Until the big hairy monster with the huge fangs, leapt onto his unsuspecting prey. And once more. The big hairy monster with the huge fangs, leapt onto his unsuspecting prey!

[No answer]

Boy 3: Then what? What happen?

Bradley: The boy ran some more and the creature was really mad.

[???]

Man: Here you go, Roy.

Ickis: That's the signal. Yah!

Roy: Tiny, what is that?

Tiny: I don't know.

Man: Get him.

Bradley: And then the creature go really really mad, even madder than before.

Boy: Hey I'm getting really really really bored.

[Ickis appears out of the woods screaming.]

Boy: AAHH! The big hairy monster!

[The boys run away.]

Bradley: Do not fear the hideous creature. Be gone foul monster.

Man: Hey kid. You see any strange looking creatures around here?

Bradley: Small, purplish, big ears, about this high? Nope.

Roy: Darn, I wanted me a new hood ornament.

[The people leave.]

Bradley: Ickis, you can come out now. You were great.

Ickis: Thanks. I think.

Bradley: Where were you? You kept me waiting forever.

Ickis: I thought I saw you...

[????]

Bradley: Go away, We're not afraid of you,

Ickis: We're not? Hey, why don't you pick on somebody your own size [eyes turn red] like me?

Camper: What's all the hoo ha?

Bradley: Ickis, you got to go.

Ickis: Okay. Thanks.

Bradley: Thank you.

Ickis: You're catching on.

Camper: What's going on here Bradley?

Bradley: I scare a bear away sir. See? He tore my shirt.

Camper: Oh, sure you did son. Why if there was a bear there would certainly be tracks. and I don't see any...BEAR TRACKS!

[???]

Bradley: And then I got the huge monster in a headlock And pulled him to the ground. We wrestled for hours until he finally gave up And ran off into the woods, yelping like a scared puppy Never to bother humans again.

Camper: That was no monster, it was a bear.

Boy: Tell it again.

Bradley: Come on, guys. Ten times is enough.

All: please.

Bradley: Okay.

[???]

Gromble: Much better, Ickis. Now you're catching on! I guess I'll be enjoying your company in class for a little while longer.

Ickis: Thank you. Now can I have my friends back?

[The Snorch lets Krumm and Oblina go by dropping them down.]

Monster: Ickis, show us your scare again.

Ickis: Oh, come on! Ten times is enough!

Monsters: Please?

Ickis: Alright, if you insist.

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