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— This is a transcribed copy of Krumm Goes Hollywood. —
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Previous: "Curse of the Krumm" Next: "Monstrous Makeover"

[We began in the movie production as Marty attempts to scare the actress but fails due to falling down.]

J.B.: Cut!

PA: Cut!

J.B.: Marty, what are you doing to me here? Isn't an overwhelming desire to bankrupt me? Is that what it is?

Marty: No, J.B. It's just... I'm not feeling so hot.

J.B.: Oh me, a perfectionist. But I like to film the scene without you falling down.

[J.B. take the monster mask off of Marty]

J.B.: JUST ONCE! Take five.

PA: Take five!

[Marty goes into the bathroom, where the monsters pop out of the toilet and Marty faints]

Oblina: Wherever are you going?

Krumm: To see where we are.

Oblina: It's where we are and that's important and that's back at school.

Ickis: I said left at the last drainpipe, but no, let's not listen to Ickis.

Krumm: Have about another quick scare before dinner?

J.B: Marty!

Oblina: Hide!

J.B: This is no time to take a nap, Marty. [attempts to wake Marty up] Great. Now what am I going to do?

[Krumm then sneezes and drops the bowl out of his hands and scares J.B.]

J.B. That was great!

Krumm: It was?

J.B: I can't remember the last time an extra actually scared me. What's your name, boy?

Krumm: Krumm.

J.B: Krumm? Sounds like a snack cake. Let me tell you something, Krumm, success is all in the timing, I need a new star for my picture, you want the job?

Krumm: Job?

J.B: Sure. You'll be the scariest monster ever.

Krumm: Grool!

J.B: Which of my movies have you seen? Come on, kid, certainly you heard about the monster of the black lagoon?

Krumm: Nope.

J.B: The Big monster of the black lagoon?

Krumm: Nuh-uh.

J.B.: The big black monster from the big black lagoon?

Krumm: Sorry.

J.B: Well, this movie is totally different. I'm gonna call it: "The relatively small monster from the big black lagoon", pretty exciting, huh? I'd better call your agent, who are you with?

Krumm: Ickis and Oblina.

J.B: Never heard of them.

Krumm: I better go.

J.B: Go? Are you nuts? This is your big chance. Come on, we have art to make.

[Oblina pops out of the toilet]

J.B.: Do you drink a lot of coffee? You're really quite small, but then again so is Mickey Rooney and he scares the heebie jeebies out of me.

[An actress sees Krumm and faints as Krumm swallows an eye brush]

J.B.: That's my boy.

Oblina: I think he mistook Krumm for a human in costume.

Don: Get out of the way! Extras. We gotta find a costume first and you look like a Christmas ornament.

Oblina: Merry Christmas. [She uses her jumpscare to scare Don.] It's nice when the holidays come early.

Don: [terrified] I really like rice.

J.B: Okay. You're a fiendish monster. She's married to the man who banished you to the black lagoon forcing you to become the relatively small monster of the big black lagoon. And... action!

PA: Action!

[Krumm doesn't do anything.]

J.B: Action!

PA: Action!

[Krumm doesn't do anything yet again.]

J.B: Whenever you're ready.

PA: Whenever you're ready!

Krumm: Ready for what?

J.B: To scare her!

PA: Scare her!

Krumm: Oh, why didn't you say so?

[Krumm then scares the actress and faints. J.B. is very impressed]

J.B: That was beautiful! And in one take. Pinch me, I'm dreaming. Is this maniac a professional or what? Who feels the love? Is it only me?

[J.B. kisses Krumm on the nose]

Krumm: I better get out of here.

J.B: Oh! You're headed the wrong way. Come on. I'll show you to your trailer.

[Ickis and Oblina are then seen under a food trolley]

Oblina: These humans are absolutely everywhere.

Ickis: Yeah. Let's find Krumm and get out of here.

J.B: You're gonna like it here, Krummy, it's not about the money for us, it's about the loving and the caring and the giving and the doing, we're a family, heads up.

[Marty is seen thrown out of his trailer and the name on the trailer is replaced with Krumm's name.]

J.B. Why don't we go inside? We've got contracts to sign [Sniff, Sniff] And you might want to think about a shower.

Krumm: I don't shower.

J.B: A method actor, huh? Alright, we'll do the contracting later when you're in the mood.

PA: Ah! Sorry!

Actress: Next time you forget my salad fork, you can forget your job, too!

Krumm: [Chuckles] Good scare.

Actress: It's all part of the game, you act like a monster and they treat you like royalty.

Krumm: I love games.

Actress: Oh, you're gonna love this one, let's do lunch while I show you the ropes.

Krumm: Do lunch?

Actress: You got a lot to learn.

[Actress coughs.]

Actress: Repeat after me. You look fabulous.

[Ickis and Oblina run up to behind the wheel of a car]

Ickis: We're safe.

Man: And action!

Oblina: [confused] Now why does it sound familiar?

[Ickis and Oblina are seen been driven away under a car and the car crash lands into the brick wall]

Man: Beautiful! Brick!

Another man: Anybody mind if I take this tire? Krumm requested it for his trailer.

[Krumm is eating his garbage.]

Another man: Hey, I gonna need some time on those busted TVs, there not easy to get.

Ickis: Psst...

Oblina: Where have you been?

Krumm: Here.

Ickis: Great garbage.

Krumm: Thanks. I picked it up myself.

Oblina: That's all well and good. But I think the three of us should get going.

Krumm: Where?

Oblina: Back to school.

Krumm: Maybe I'll go back there. Someday.

Ickis: When?

Krumm: Let me check my book.

[Krumm eats a schedule book.]

Oblina: What is that for?

Krumm: The game.

Ickis: What do you win?

[PA knocks on Krumm's trailer door]

Krumm: Yeah?

PA: Sir, here's your sludge. If there is anything else you need, I mean anything, just page me on my bicycle phone.

Krumm: That's what you win.

[Krumm slurp more sludge]

Krumm: You want me to leave this for the Gromble?

Oblina: What about scaring humans?

Krumm: J.B. said I'll scare millions at a time.

Oblina: Have you stopped to consider the consequences if they find out you're a real monster?

Krumm: It depends, what does consequences mean?

Oblina: You simpleton. What it means is if you get caught, it puts us all in danger.

Krumm: Nobody will catch me. I'm Krumm.

Oblina: If they don't catch you, the Gromble certainly will.

Krumm: Gromble shomble. I'm living for them now.

[Phone rings]

Krumm: Call me. We'll do garbage.

[Krumm eats the phone]

Oblina: Well, if that's how he feels...

Ickis: Yeah. Who needs him?

[The scene changes to the dump and the auditorium. Leaky howls]

Gromble: Hm. Not bad, it had resonance tone and a certain bouquet, which is great if you are a glass of swine, BUT YOU'RE A MONSTER! Now give me another one.

Leaky: I don't know if I can.

Gromble: Nonsense, tut, tut, tut, tut, that is negative thinking and I'm afraid I'm going to have to put my foot down [The Gromble nearly puts his foot down on Leaky as Leaky roars] Ah I love to teach, Any questions? [Shum raises his hand] Yes?

Shum: Is this gonna be on the test?

Gromble: Why, yes. Yes, it is. (yanks on Shum's head, extending it) SO, YOU'D BETTER HAVE IT ALL IN YOUR HEAD! (He stuffs some notes in Shum's head and lets his head go, as Shum cringes.) Any other questions? (The other monsters put their hands down, until he notices Krumm's absence from his seat.) And just where is Krumm? This is the second day he's been absent. (ominously) Is there something I should know?

Ickis: (nervously) I think he ate some bad clam shells. I'm sure he'll be here for class tomorrow.

[The Gromble gasps.]

Gromble: For his sake, he'd better be.

[The scene changes to the monster's room]

Ickis: Oblina?

Oblina: Yes?

Ickis: I can't sleep. It's not the same without a stench.

Oblina: I know, I tried rotted cheese, but it's a poor substitute.

Ickis: Maybe we should go back again.

Oblina: He wants to stay. What can we do?

[The door is knocked.]

Gromble: Hello! Anyone home?

Ickis: It's the Gromble! What should we do?

Oblina: Don't worry, I'll handle him.

[The Gromble busts the door down on Oblina]

Gromble: I knew it! Go above ground without my permission, will he? Wait till I get my heels on him, where is he?

Ickis: Where's who?

[The Grombles picks up and uses Ickis to floss his teeth]

Gromble: Did you enjoy that?

Ickis: I'm all for dental hygiene, sir, It's just that...

[The Gromble then chews and makes like a bubblegum bubble balloon out of Ickis]

Gromble: Where is he?!

Ickis: All right, all right, I'll talk! Just don't pop me!

[The scenes changes to Krumm's trailer, Krumm is seen looking at a photograph of all three monsters together and starts to cry, there is a knock at Krumm's trailer door]

Krumm: Uh-oh.

PA: Um, Krumm, sir? [Krumm attempts to scare her but fails] J.B. wants to see you some PR thing.

Krumm: Aren't you scared?

PA: No, we do PR stuff all the time.

Krumm: Of me, scared of me.

PA: Do you want me to be?

Krumm: Oh, yeah.

Woman: Oh, then yeah, I'm terrified. You really scare me.

[Another knock on Krumm's trailer door]

J.B: Krumm, it's J.B. [Krumm attempts to scare J.B. but fails] What are you doing?

Krumm: Being scary.

J.B: Oh yeah, the whole looming roaring thing. That's good, we'll use that, I've got some reporters outside who really wanna- [Sees Krumm packing] Now what are you doing?

Krumm: Packing.

J.B: Things are just starting to roll, now come on, take this thing off and let the press meet the man behind the mask. [Attempts to pull Krumm's skin off him]

Krumm: It's not a mask. I'm a real monster.

J.B: Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England.

[Krumm looms and tries to scare J.B.]

J.B.: You are a real monster. Wait a minute, do you realize the merchandising potential? Why we'll have Krumm lunchboxes, thermoses, we can even have a line of clothing: Krummderwear.

Krumm: You're supposed to be scared.

J.B: I am, I am, but I happy to say my overwhelming greed has stifled the urge to run, we're going to make millions together.

Krumm: I'm out of here.

J.B: Wait. We got a contract. I don't know if the law applies to your species but- [Krumm walks out of the trailer] You'll never work in this town again.

[Alarm clock rings and shouts wake up]

Ickis: Can we leave the alarm by your bed from now on?

[Oblina yawns.]

Krumm: Need a roommate?

[Ickis smells the stench of Krumm]

Ickis: Aah. Morning breath.

Oblina: Are you staying?

Krumm: If you want me to.

Ickis: Of course.

Krumm: Does the Gromble know I was gone?

Oblina: He forced the confession from Ickis.

Krumm: Sorry, pal. I bet he's gonna chew me out.

Ickis: You don't know the half of it.

Krumm: You guys are my best friends.

Oblina: Oh, please. Don't get all mushy on us.

Ickis: If we don't get to class soon, The Gromble will make us all mushy.

Krumm: Great, I come back and the Gromble leaves.

Ickis: Where could he be?

[At the movie studios where the woman is standing here and the shadow of the Gromble roars.]

J.B.: Cut!

PA: Cut!

Gromble: Oh, what now?

J.B: Sorry, Grombie. Wardrobe!

Woman: Yes, J.B.?

J.B: Can we do something about those shoes?

[The camera zooms in on the Gromble's shoes and the episode fades out]