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— This is a transcribed copy of Mayberry UFO. —
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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[Episode starts at a rainy night.]

Oblina: This is the life.

Ickis: There's nothing like monsters in raw unprocessed sludge.

[all laugh]

Ickis: Come on let's dive for old shoes.

[From the sewers, a rush of water rush though wiping out everything in its path. ]

Oblina: Did you hear something?

Krumm: Maybe it's my stomach.

Oblina: Even your stomach is not that loud.

Krumm: Quite worrying. it's probably just-

Ickis: A giant wall of water!


Zeke: You know, I was thinking. About moseyin to town hall to get a look at that brand new indoor toilet i been hearing so much about.

[Suddenly, Otis and Zeke saw the monsters flying straight past them.]

Both: Did you see what I just see?

Zeke: Look, it's headed toward the Corhan's cornfield.

Man: WWIK Luluville. This is whik and I'm archie owens With an extra-special news bulletin. It's finally happened! An unidentified flyin' object has landed in Luluville. Aliens is invadin'!

Oblina: Where are we? And what is that?

Zeke: I think they landed here, Otis.

Otis: Zeke, I gotta confess. I never really seen an alien before.

Zeke: What about all those times he was on T.V?

Otis: I've always craved the hot glare of the media spotlight.

[The monsters pop out snarling.]

Both: Aliens!

[They giggle]

Ickis: Suckers. What easy scares.

Oblina: If everyone's here like this, we can scare enough humans to keep the Gromble happy all year.

Sheriff: Everybody attention. Can I have you're attention please?

Brisko: Quiet.

Sheriff: Thank you, Brisko. Now I realize this attracts from the opening of our town's new toilet, but we got to get organize to meet he alien invasion. Zeke and Otis here are gonna bring to you on the situation here as if regards to aliens and and subsequent invasion thereof. Now remember, let's all remain calm.

Otis: All's I can say is...Run for your life!

[All the people run away.]

Brisko: Hey there.

[The people stop and goes back.]

Sheriff: Thank you, Brisko. Now I realize this attracts....

Krumm: Ugh! The air is so clean and fresh. How can these humans stand it?

Oblina: Enough idle chatter. I am in the mood for scaring.

Ickis: Right come on, let's go.

Krumm: Oh, I really shouldn't. Oh, who am I kidding? I should, I should.

[With Ickis, he entered a chicken coop.]

Ickis: Hello? Here human, human, human, human. How strange. A pillow that breathes.

[With Oblina, she saw scarecrow and threaten to scare it.]

Oblina: This one usually never fails.

[Back with Krumm.]

Krumm: Sometimes you just have to pamper yourself. Whoa. I didn't know this one's occupied.

[Back with Ickis, he found an egg that was nestled in the nest. He picked it up and rattles it. He puts his ear in to listen. Then a stomp caused him to gasp. A chicken was awake and squawking. Ickis dropped the egg and yelped.]

Ickis: I didn't know it was yours.

[Ickis runs away. Back Oblina, the cane beast tried to scare the scarecrow but she gave up. A crow then landed on it.]

Oblina: Go away! I am not leaving until I scare him.

[The crow smacked her. Now the monster ran back to where they came and bumped into each other.]

Oblina: So how did everyone do?

Both: I don't want to talk about it.

Sheriff: Look. That's the aliens. Get em!

Krumm: Where are gonna find a toilet so we can get back to the dump?

Oblina: Wait, lookie!

Ickis: That's it! Where saved.

Krumm: Wow. I never seen a free ranch toilet before.

Oblina: This fresh aired humans are obviously more than I thought.

Man: Go away now. I just state down WHOA! Aliens in the outhouse!

Ickis: Well. That's that. Hey! There's no way out of here.

Krumm: How come they call it a outhouse if there's no way out?

Zeke: Where are they gone to?

Sheriff: We got em! Brisko, anchor 'em down. Now who's gonna get in there and get em?

Ickis: We're trapped.

Oblina: Oh, how undignified. this is not the way I want to be remembered.

Krumm: What are we gonna do? Dig our way out of here? What's everyone looking at me for?

Man: Indoor toilet at town hall. Come one ,come all, indoor toilet rejoice.


Krumm: How do you make it stop?!

Ickis: I never done this before. Hey, where's Krumm?

Krumm: This is fun!

Sheriff: First they land on our cornfields, now they're stealing horses. Get em!

Ickis: Look that must be town hall. How do we stop this thing?

Oblina: We are doomed. This is the end. Oh woe is-

[The horse stops sending Ickis and Oblina flying and right into a water though. They spit water out of their mouths and jump out.]

Krumm: Come on, guys. Quit fooling around. We got to get inside.

Oblina: Thank you.

Sheriff: There they are!

[Monsters gasp and ran into the town hall.]

Man: You know, our town has been invaded by aliens at this very moment. Perhaps we can continue this game later.

Old woman: Shut your yap and call the numbers.

Man: Very well, O-64..


Old woman: Bingo!


Oblina: Did you ever see a beautiful sight than this?


Ickis: Quick, get in!

Oblina: Oh no.

Krumm: Ickis, could you hold of the humans while I fix this?

Ickis: Why do I always have to hold off the bloodthirsty townspeople when you fix the toilet?

Oblina: Icky.

Ickis: Yes?

Oblina: [angrily] Just do it!


Sheriff: Wait. We're supposed to be chasing that.

Oblina: Krumm..

Krumm: What?

Oblina: I said harder!


Sheriff: Okay alien, give yourself up. tell us Tell ushere the others are.

Zeke: Hey, let's catch him and get a reward.

Otis: Let's fry and up and put him on a stick. Them's good eatin'.

Ickis: THAT'S IT! No one is taking a bite out of me hamhogs..


Krumm: Did you get rid of the humans?

Ickis: Worth nothing.


Ickis: Home at last.

Oblina: You know what they say travel brutal but I think I like being near home.

Zeke: You know. I was thinking.

Otis: Really?

Zeke: Maybe those creatures weren't aliens at all.

Otis: Really?

Zeke: Maybe they were monsters.

Otis: Monsters? Nah. Who would be stupid enough to believe in monsters, when they are so many aliens around?

Zeke: I guess you're right.

Otis: When will people learn?