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— This is a transcribed copy of Quest for the Holy Pail. —
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Fear Thy Name is Ickis" Next: "Garbage In, Garbage Out"

[episode starts]

Oblina: Ickis. Ickis wake up! What in garbage name are you doing out there?

Ickis: [waking up] I was getting my ugly sleep.

Oblina: Well, if we do not hurry, we are going to be late for class again. And then the only one who will see Your hideous complexion will be the snorch.

Ickis: Oblina?

Oblina: I am afraid, Ickis for once I cannot tell you what that is..

Krumm: Is this your fault?

Ickis: No.

Oblina: It this another world?

Gromble: No, It's a sign. a message to the monster world. Follow me.

[???]

Gromble: The time has come for a young monster to enter this passage way and journey in search of the ancient garbage cans.

All: The holy pail.

Oblina: I guess it should be me. After all, I have the best overall grade average.

Gromble: In this case. and in this case only Your performance in class is not important. We must wait for a sign To see who is chosen the golden monster.

Oblina: Well, it should be based on grades.

Krumm: Yeah, base it on grades. I don't want to go. It sounds like too much work.

Ickis: Work?! What is with you guys? This isn't work, it's an adventure! Why, if I was chosen I'd march boldly into the unknown Face every danger And be back with the holy pail before dinner. Would you look at that? What is making it do that?

Gromble: That's the sign.

Ickis That?

Gromble: No, that.

Gromble: In this crate, ickis, is everything you should need For a successful journey. The monster manual refers to this As the box of really useful stuff. Snorch? First, a ball of string. Then, of course, a trash can lid. Another trash can lid. And something... That goes sproing. And, of course The sort of human thing-- Oh, just take it!

[???]

Krumm: Good luck, buddy.

Ickis: I don't even know where I'm going.

Gromble: Now, legend says you must pass through the sludge cascade To picador cave and beyond. And I can tell you this... Tread lightly through belchschplatt cavern.

Ickis: Belch splat cavern?

Gromble: Yes! And be careful, ickis! The wall warriors are more dangerous Than they look. Go to the top of the heap! That's where you'll find the holy pail.

Ickis: [cries] Are you sure you got the right Ickis?

Gromble: Just use your brain, Ickis, for once.

Ickis: I hate my life.

[???]

Ickis: Pick a door cave? Well, I guess I just pick a door. It's alright... It is alright. I may be lost. I may be alone. but it does not matter. Because... Because I have got...

[???]

Gromble: I have absolutely wonderful news. Today we have a real treat, class. I give you the exciting, ever-changing elements of fear.

Oblina: What are we gonna do with that?

Gromble: We're going to memorize it Of course! Isn't that fabulous?

Ickis: Oh. Well, I wonder If this is the much-feared belchschplatt cavern? Guess so

Gromble: Very good. And now class let's go over.

All: jitteri-um Heeb-i-um... Jeeb-i-um... And the willies.

Gromble: Good. Now everyone the phobias.

Oblina: I cannot believe Ickis gets to miss this.

Krumm: I don't know. Quests are supposed to be Pretty hard work.

Oblina: I do not care. I'd give anything to be in his shoes.

[???]

All: and xenophobia.

Gromble: Oblina? Oblina? OBLINA!

Oblina: [waking up] What? Yes, humans are often afraid of humans just because they look different.

[???]

Ickis: I made it! I'm tough. I'm bad! Ow, on the good foot. I am fearless! Yes, yes! Aah... I'm going to pass out. Excuse me?

Monster: I hate this thing. Has it been 400 years already? Time flies when you're bored out of your skull, huh? Oh, wow. ( Exhales deeply ) Ouch. I got to remember to move around At least every hundred years or so. Okay. Ready? ( Dramatically ): why have you come?

Ickis: I've come for the holy pail.

Monster: Sorry. Fresh out. That's it we're done. See ya.

Ickis: Done? That's it?

Monster: Next show starts in years. Hey, you've been great. Good night, I got a higher plane to catch. That's one hard trip up here, ain't it? Here, kid. For your trouble. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

[???]

Gromble: It's easy to remember the basic elements. If you re... Class? Oh, class. Class? Wake up!

Krumm: Ickis, you're back!

Ickis: Yeah and empty handed.

Krumm: Come on, how was it?

Ickis: How was it? Lousy. You know what's out there? Nothing. No pail, no bucket. No nothing.

Gromble: You didn't do anything? Or see anything?

Ickis: Oh sure. Oh, sure. Yeah, I rode on the back of that tooth machine. I flew through the air with those bats. Oh, and I made it through picador cave And belchschplatt cavern And I was almost caughtby the wall warriors, you know.And I made it to the top of the heap.

Gromble: Exactly.

Ickis: Exactly

Gromble: That's my point!

Ickis: What's your point?

Gromble: It sounds like a perfectly lovely Wonderful, productive trip!

Ickis: Oh fine! Make fun of the failure! Oh, have a great big old laugh on me, yeah. You know, I was almost drowned Eaten, lost, skewered And-and-and belchschplatted! Do you know what it feels like to go through that And have absolutely nothing to show for it Except a stupid toothpick?!

Gromble: Yes Ickis

Ickis: You went too?

Gromble: Yes, I did.

Ickis: You didn't find the pail, either, did you?

Gromble: Nope. But like you, I learned That if you travel through life with your eyes open You'll never come home empty-handed. Now you've got memories, experiences. And if you ever have anything stuck between your teeth You've got a very attractive toothpick. Now, back to the periodic table.

[Ickis falls asleep.]

Oblina: Oh. Shall we wake him?

Gromble: No. Ickis can sleep. As for the rest of you, repeat after me!

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