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Cimarron: Somebody sent me a telegram. Says here he wants to hire The world's greatest hunter.
Stig: [With Australian accent]: job's taken-- by me.
Cimarron: And who are you?
Stig: Stig Snowdon... World's greatest hunter. Take a look. That's me.
Bone: Yeah, well I'm Bones Duvalier. And I caught nine of the guys on the ten most wanted list.
Stig: So, I guess you never caught number ten.
Bone: I am number ten! And I'm the best hunter in the world!
Stig: Any bloke's the best, it's me. [Starts growling]
Cimarron: Ha-ha! The best hunter in the world just caught you both! Cimarron Kilkenny.
Simon: Enough! I'm the world's greatest hunter. The name, Simon.
Cimarron: If you're so all-fired good, why did you call us all?
Stig: Good question.
Bone: Yeah.
Simon: Let me introduce myself. I've got a great big brain. Big brain, huge... Brain! I belong behind the scenes. I'm the one pulling the strings. You guys You brawny, big strapping guys! And you... The dirty work is your job.
Cimarron: And what dirty work is that?
Simon: You're going to catch me... A real live monster!
Bone: A monster?
[Everyone laughs]
Cimarron: You are crazy.
Stig: The guy's a nut.
Simon: Yes, but a rich nut. I told you I had a job for you And this is what it pays!
Stig: Blimey!
Cimarron: That's a lot of cash.
Bone: And whoever catches your monster...?
Simon: Gets the money.
Cimarron: What's this monster look like?
Simon: Here... Look these over. They should put you on its trail. Now, whoever finds my monster Gets the money!
[???]
Simon: This way! He went this way!
[???]
Cimarron: You gol-dang polecat, bunny-looking monster thing! You just wait! Soon as I get my hands free I'm going to dress you like a spring calf!
Ickis: What is it, monster season? Did somebody paint a target on my back?!
Simon: He's down there!
Ickis: I cannot take much more of this. [Yelling]: I don't know who you are But leave me alone! I said, leave me alone!
[???
Ickis: Okay okay. If all the nightmare vicious humans Are done tormenting me I'm going to head home, all right?!
Simon: [Bellows]: idiots! Morons! One itty-bitty, teensy-weensy Floppy-eared bunny monster! You clumsy, ineffectual, scaredy hunters! Come on! Who's man... Or woman... Enough to bring me back my monster? Does anybody want the money?
Stig: We don't want your money.
Cimarron: That little monster Made us look like fools.
Bone: And we don't like that.
Simon: Okay, so you'll bring memy monster for nothing?
[???]
Simon: What?
Stig: We're not bringing you... No monster.
Cimarron: No. That there monster is history.
Bone: Get in our way and you're history, too.
Simon: Wait a minute. W-what would you want with a monster?
Cimarron: I reckon his ears would make nice saddlebags.
Stig: And I fancy them teeth Would look right nice around me neck.
Simon: And what do you want with my monster?
Bone: Maybe, just some cole slaw.
[Laughing heartily]
Simon: They've got to be stopped! That's my monster! They can't just march in here And turn my monster into saddlebags! I've got to stop them. Wait a minute. What am I saying? If I go out there, they'll kill me. I'm a chicken! A big, fat chicken! Chicky, chicky, chicky, chick, chick, chicken!
Ickis: Ah! Thank garbage, home.
[???]
Simon: Look at you. You pathetic excuse for a human being. I guess you're going to let the big kids push you around Like always, huh?! Nothing ever changes, does it?
[???]
Simon: I can do this. If I take all this stuff I can keep those guys from getting my monster! No problemo!
[???]
Simon: I can beat them and get that monster for myself! They picked the wrong guy to mess with. Wait till they get a load of simon-san! I've got it!
Ickis: I give up.
[??]
Ickis: Jump, jump!
Simon: Run!
Ickis: Weave! Weave back and forth!
[???]
Simon: Wait here! I'll give a signal. Trust me.
Ickis: Now?
Simon: Not yet!
Ickis: Now?
Simon: Not yet! Now!
[???]
Simon: Ha-ha! So long, suckers! You call yourselves hunters, huh? Think you can catch a monster, huh? ♪ You can catch a monster...♪ Not!
Ickis: Yeah, fat chance.
Simon: That's right! Only I... Simon the monster hunter Can catch a monster.
Ickis: That's right, only Simon can catch a monster.
[???]
Simon: Try to Run! It won't do you any good. I'll catch you... Hey, slow down! You can run, but you can't hide! And I'll find you And I'll catch you And I'll put you on tv! And everyone will love me Me, Simon the monster hunter. They'll know the truth-- That monsters Are very real!