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— This is a transcribed copy of Spontaneously Combustible. —
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Previous: "The Ickis Box" Next: "Curse of Katana"

[Episode starts under the bridge.]

Oblina: Got one.

Krumm: It's a beauty. Hold my eyes. What is it?

Oblina: It is a white sided roller.

Krumm: That's good for eaten'.

Ickis: Hey, I got one. It's big. Ooh, we are talking Major furniture. [cough] This is gonna put me in the dump of fame. [splash] A fish..I really thought I had something. [cough]

Krumm: You might wanna get that checked.

Ickis: What for? It's probably something I ate.


Gromble: Time, master ickis. Ickis! Since you're so eager to work, Perhaps you will collect the tests And bring them to me.

Ickis: Thank you thank you thank you. Here you go sir. [cough] They're all here.

Gromble: Oblina, would you watch the class? Ickis! Come with me.


Monster Doctor: Say ah. Can you hear that? He can hear. You dizzy?

Ickis: Yeah. [Cough]

Monster Doctor: Good, you should be. Let's take a look at that stomach. Oh, my. He's going to blow.

Gromble: What is it?

Monster Doctor: There's only one way to find out. I'm going in. This is bad. Really really bad.

Ickis:What are you saying?

Monster Doctor: This is not good. Youre spontaneously combustible.

Ickis: Spit-top-iously custard-able?

Monster Doctor: Spontaneously combustible. The good news is it only lasts a week. The bad news is the next burp could be your last. At any moment, son, you could explode.

Ickis: Could you be more specific?

Monster Doctor: Ka boom.

Zimbo: Ka boom?

Oblina: What do you mean Ka boom?

Ickis: For the next seven days, I'm a walking disaster waiting to happen.

Krumm: What happens after seven days?

Ickis: Well, um, if I'm still here... We can take the plastic off the furniture.


Oblina: Ickis, I know this is serious but you cannot spend the week sitting there in the dorm room.

Ickis: Is there some place, combustible monsters supposed to sit?

Krumm: Come on. You look like the same old ickis to me. Except for that silly pail on your head.


Gromble: Everybody back in your seats! Now you be please to know We will not discuss Your miserable attempt at scaring last week. Instead, I think you could all use a quick lesson in history. Does anyone know who that is? Yes, snav?

Snav: That's my great uncle Sniv.

Gromble: Does anyone know what he did for monsters everywhere?

Snav: He was my great uncle.

Gromble: But can anyone tell us Why he was important to all of us?

Snav: Being my great uncle isn't enough?

Gromble: Oblina.

Oblina: Yes. He was the greatest philosopher In modern monster history. It was the great sniv who said "I scare therefore, I am."

Gromble: Thank you, Oblina. And kladiac the mighty Who pioneered the great northern sewer system And was uncommonly handsome. Ah! And this is the beloved poopa lula Whose singing and mediocre talents Entertained thousands of monsters During the era of disbelief. Ickis! What did they all have in common? Each of them was Spontaneously combustible. None of them blew up?

Ickis: Wha?

Gromble: It doesn't matter at all if they blew up or not. What matters is, combustible or not They were each an important part of our monster world, And nobody became combustible Just by sitting next to them. Back in your seats!


Oblina: forget about what they think. You see, they are like that because they are young. They do not understand.

Ickis: What about you?

Oblina: I am wise beyond my years. Goodnight, Icky. Good night, Krumm.

Krumm: Goodnight, Oblina. Goodnight, Ickis.

Ickis: Goodnight, guys.

Oblina: Go to sleep Ickis. We will see you in the morning.

Ickis: Come in.

Both: Horvak!

Krumm: Dad.

Horvak: Hello there, Oblina. Hello, Ickis. How's your dad? Pack your things, Krumm.

Krumm: What's going on dad?

Horvak: Its time to harvest the mold... I need you at home.

Ickis: Krumm, didn't you say Your dad harvested the mold last week?

Horvak: Hmm, that's what I thought, too, but... There it is still in the fields. Come on, let's hit the sewer.

Krumm: Wow, the mold harvest, great! Ickis, you want to come along?

Horvak: Ickis doesn't wanna come. Hi, there ickis, how's your dad? Come on, son, let's get out of here.

Krumm: Bye buddy.

Oblina: Krumm do not want to leave Ickis I'm sure of it.

Ickis: What does it matter. Your parents'll be next. Then everybody's mom and dad will Pull them out of school.

[Ickis leaves the dorm.]

Ickis: What are you doing? Everybody packing your bags? Going away from me before I blow you up? [His body inflates and deflates as smoke breaths though.] Well, I got news for you. You can all stay here. 'Cause I'm going.


Gromble: I suppose you all know Ickis is gone. [The students shake their heads.] And you all knew that Ickis was combustible. But do any of you know what that means?

Monster: Ickis was going to explode!

Monster 2: Any moment in a great big ball of fire.

Monster 3: A ball of fire so big it would blow the whole school.

Monster 4: You told me he would blow the whole dump.

Gromble: [Gasps] Who told you that?

[The monsters pointed at Zimbo.]

Zimbo: I believe that a free exchange of information is the key to better understanding. [Pauses for a bit.] Perhaps I am misinformed?

Gromble: You've all been misinformed. I told you was not a danger to any of you. But you listen to rumors. And you're afraid. Do you know what we call someone Who's scared of something he doesn't understand?

Oblina: Humans.

Gromble: So is that what you all want to act like. A bunch of humans?

[Up at the surface it was raining.]

Ickis: Here you go buddy. [cough] Yeah. Run from me. Everybody else does. And you know what I don't care. I don't need friends who won't stand by me. So I blow up! If they want to live their lives Scared of something that's not even happening to them Then... Well, they've got a bigger problem than I do. Me? I'll face this one alone. I'm not scared.

[A roaming truck startled Ickis.]

Ickis: Go ahead life! Toy with me. Play your cruel jokes, ha! I don't care about anything. I don't care about anyone else.

Krumm: Hi, Ickis.

Ickis: Krumm. Krumm! You came back.

Krumm: I'm sorry, ickis. You're my best friend and I shouldn't have left. I went back to the academy, but no one was there.

Snav: That's because we were looking for you.

Oblina: The Gromble made everyone see how they are treating you Icky, And they want you to come home.

Monster: Yeah I couldn't sleep anyway.

Ickis: Good night, guys.

Krumm: Good night, Ickis

Monsters: Good night, Ickis.

Oblina: Good night, Ickis.

Zimbo: As I said, Good night, Ickis.

[5 days later]

Ickis: What do you mean? It's been seven days, I should be fine.

Monster Doctor: Open wide. Great. I've been looking for this for a week. Are you still here?

Ickis: Yeah Well. I wanted to know If I still have to worry about You know, blowing up?

Monster Doctor: Blowing up? No. You are as healthy as the day you were born. As of fact, all of you healthy monsters have no business in here. Get out. All of you. Out!

[all cheer]

Ickis: I'm okay!

Oblina: Let us go tell everybody.

Krumm: Yeah. Come on buddy let's party!

Ickis: No, no, no. I got a better idea.


Ickis: I got one! Yes yes!