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— This is a transcribed copy of The Master Monster. —
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Gromble: Class, I have a very important announcement. I've been informed that today this class Will be visited by... Balook the Granfaloon. In all the world There is one monster With the power to strike fear into the hearts Of even the most fearless monsters! That monster is the chief prefect and executive director Of monster administration Balook the granfaloon! And he is coming here to evaluate my job as your teacher. I trust that you will do nothing to embarrass me.

Ickis: Don't worry, your Grombleness We'll just act like we always do.

Gromble: That's what I'm afraid of.

Monster: all rise for balook the granfaloon!

Balook: I am Balook the Granfaloon.

Gromble: Your excellency! Welcome to my class. I'm certain that you will have A very satisfying stay here.

Balook: Hmmph! I'll be the judge of that. To begin the evaluation I want to see one of your students' scares, please. Yes, let me see now...

Gromble: Anyone but Ickis, anyone but Ickis, anyone but...

Balook: Ickis.


Ickis: Do something! I mean, do something helpful!

Oblina: Let's get out of here!


Gromble: Brave! Well done, ickis! Your excellency, I think you'll be hard-pressed To find a better scare than that anywhere!

Balook: Quite possibly. And I see you approve Of celebrating the scare in this manner?

Gromble: Certainly! Is there any reason why I shouldn't?

Balook: Oh, yes. Only a little reason called rule 345.18. , Subsection b. "There shall be no excessive celebration Following a successful scare."

Gromble: Oh, i... Well, i... That is...

Balook: Clearly you've never heard of this rule because Not only do you partake in celebration You encourage it in your students. Clearly you are an inferior teacher.

Gromble: I... I... I...

Balook: Therefore, due to your failure To observe the prescribed rules of monster conduct You may consider yourself terminated as a teacher of this academy.

Gromble: You must be joking!

Balook: I never joke! You may proceed with your new job.

Gromble: Yes, sir.

Balook: You just broke rule of janitorial conduct number. 1259.3/2-Q: "Trash is to be dropped, not thrown."

Gromble: That's it! You can find another puppet To follow your ridiculous rules, because I quit! Good day.

Balook: Also broke rule number. 47.2: "No quitting."


Balook: class will now come to order. Therefore, before this class goes out on any more scares I shall reacquaint you with the rules. Turning to page one This is a monster and this is a human. Repeat with me.

Balook and class: this is a monster and this is a human.

Oblina: Please.

Balook: And the purpose of monsters is...? To scare humans. Repeat with me. The purpose of monsters is to scare humans.

Class (mumbling along with Balook): The purpose of monsters Is to scare humans.

Oblina: We've got to find the Gromble!


Krumm: Well, that's that.

Ickis: It can't be! He's just got to be here somewhere!

Oblina: Give it up-- the gromble is gone! He's probably enjoying A much better life by now.

Krumm: I wouldn't be so sure. Look.

Ickis: the gromble!

Gromble: Well! This is a pleasant surprise. Would you like some prime sewer worms Three for a toenail?

Oblina: No! We do not want worms! We want you to be our teacher again!

Gromble: Well, I'm afraid that's impossible. Didn't you hear? I'm an "inferior teacher." Besides, it's all for the best. You'll get to learn the rules From a "real" teacher And I get to do what I've always dreamed of... ...dig worms.

Ickis: You can't mean that!

Gromble: Oh, I do. I love worms. Can't get enough... I can't stand it! I hate worms! I hate them! I do! Is it really that bad Without me?

Ickis: It's awful! It's awful! Balook is teaching us things we learned in bonsty school!

Gromble: Oh, that meddlesome bureaucrat! You can't learn to be a monster from a book! If I were your teacher right now I'd tell you that monstering is a gift A rare talent that you feel deep within you. It courses through your veins like high-grade sludge!

Oblina: We may have our teacher back.


Oblina: Someone's coming!


Balook: And again... "Boo."

Class (listlessly): Boo.

Gromble: Scare 'em! Scare 'em!


Balook: and again...


Gromble: Go! Go! Go!


Balook: Class, as you can tell from the expression on my face I'm very happy with the progress this class has shown.

Ickis: I cannot take this anymore. Things cannot possibly get any worse.

Balook: I've decided to accompany you on an elementary scare. After consulting the book, I've found a place Where we shall be able to scare with little danger. A county fair full of young children!

Krumm: Now, that's what I call worse.

Balook: single file... Here we are, class, the county fair. Up we go, and be careful of those small children. Very well, you may proceed with your scares.

Ickis: Uh, your, um, balookness? I don't think this is the right place!

Balook: Nonsense. The book never lies. This must be the county fair.

Krumm: And those must be the small children.

Announcer: and we're off on the ninth annual County fair monster truck demolition derby!

Krumm: What does the book say to do now?

Balook: I, I, I'm looking!

Ickis: Um, how's about... RUN!

Balook: It's got to be here somewhere.

Ickis: What do we do now?

Balook: I don't know. There must be a rule to cover this But I don't have the book with me.

Oblina: You don't need the book anymore!

Balook: Please, help me scare these people.

Gromble: Hmmph! You don't need me to scare anyone. You have all you need right here. The best class of monsters in the world!

( Class cheering )

Gromble: Now, huddle up!

All: Break!


Gromble: Terrify! Terrify! Scare, team, scare! Horrify! Horrify!


Gromble: Do I get my job back?

Balook: Uh... Yes. Yes, you do.

Gromble: And why?

Balook: Because... You are a superior teacher.

Gromble: Repeat with me... I am a superior teacher.

Balook: You are a superior teacher.

Ickis: Well, that was easy.

(Class cheering)

Gromble: Thank you so much. Thank you. As I regain my place as your teacher I only wish to say... This is the most pathetic bunch of rejects I've ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on!

Ickis: At last, things are back to normal.

Gromble: You call yourselves monsters?