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— This is a transcribed copy of The Substitute. —
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Skritch: Good morning, little monsters... My name is Skritch. I'm sorry to announce that the Gromble was called home to attend to his dear, sick mother. Until he returns, I will be teaching your class. Yes, my dear, and you are?

Oblina: Oblina, sir. And may I begin by showing my scare?

Skritch: (Laughs) No one has to show a scare today. While I'm in charge, we won't worry About stuff like scaring or homework.

Oblina: Then what are we going to do?

Skritch: I'll show you. Let's play slimeball.

[???]

Skritch: Oballni, right?

Oblina: No, it's Oblina.

Skritch: Whatever. Why aren't you playing slimeball?

Oblina: I have reading to do.

Skritch: You don't have to read. From now on, we're having fun! Can't you see that?

Oblina: Yes, I can. And I think it is irresponsible... And lazy.

[???]

Oblina: Oh, well, I cannot believe you two do not see it.

Ickis: You're just mad because this morning You were miss best scarer And now nobody cares about scaring. All this fun means you are not number one.

Oblina: (Gasps) That is not true. He's just... He's... I don't know. But there is something strange about him. I mean, look at him. Is that any way for a teacher to act, hmm?

Ickis: Oh, as a matter of fact, yes. What is wrong with a teacher Being a nice guy once in a while?

Oblina: Ooh, lookie... Skritch is getting a second plate. What could it mean?

Krumm:It means he's still hungry. I do it all the time.

[???]

Skritch: What?! Oballni, how nice to see you. What can I do for you tonight?

Oblina: I was just passing by With this book I borrowed from the Gromble And, well, I'll just pop it inside And put it back on the shelf.

Skritch: Give it to me.

Oblina: No, I have bothered you Too much already.

Skritch: No bother.

Oblina: No bother for me.

Gromble: oblina!

Skritch: Thanks for the book.

Oblina: That was you yelling?

Skritch: Yes. Good night.

[???]

Oblina: And I was sure it was the Gromble's voice.

Ickis: It is all in your narrow little head, Oblina. If you would just relax... ...you'd see that Skritch Is a pretty nice...

Oblina: Lookee...

Ickis: He is wearing the Gromble's shoes.

Oblina: Calm down. We must formulate a plan.

Krumm: The gromble would never lend his shoes To the substitute guy.

Skritch: Is there a problem?

Ickis: (Stammering): you... Wearing the Gromble's shoes.

Gromble: And there's no way He'd let you wear his shoes.

Skritch: Everybody down here, come on! Last one down here is it! Time for a little slimeball!

[??]

Oblina: Icky, no!

Ickis: We will figure out this shoe thing, later. I love slimeball. Come on, krumm.

[???]

Skritch: I tell you what. Who's for a little dipin the sludge pits?

Oblina: Wait just a minute. What happened to Ickis and Krumm?

Skritch: I'm afraid while we were playing Their fathers came and took them home.

Oblina: Came out of nowhere, both their fathers? Hmph.

Skritch: Isn't that something? Now, come on, everybody Let's get out of this stuffy little classroom.

( ???]

Oblina: Listen to me. Do not let Skritch Turn your heads with fun and games. Think, monsters. Where is the Gromble? Where is Ickis? Our dear, dear Krummy? Gone home? I doubt it. It is Skritch, Sskritch and his evil plan.

Skritch: All right... Who wants to swim in the sludge pits?

[???]

Skritch: Well... Look at that. We're alone. I'm glad. I think you and I need to talk About... Things and communication.

[Oblina runs away]

Skritch: Oblina, please. I just want to talk to you. I don't know how, but you and i, we got off on the wrong... Foot.

[???]

Skritch: Having fun?

Monster: You bet.

Skritch: Aren't I the greatest?

Smeldra: You're the best!

(Muttering angrily)

Skritch: Oh, pipe down.

Gromble: Skritch, let us go. This isn't going to accomplish anything.

Skritch: Look at all I've done already.

Gromble: At least let Krumm and Ickis go.

Skritch: They know too much.

Krumm: No one's ever said that before.

Ickis: Will somebody tell me what is going on?

Gromble: Skritch and I went to teachers college together. I did, uh, rather well, as you might imagine And, uh, Skritch was just a tad... Lazy.

Skritch: Liar! I wasn't lazy, I had a problem. You. You were my problem, Gromble. I was on my way to being a great teacher But no one knew. I was doing incredible work But everyone was too busy fawning over the Gromble. ( Tearfully ): my drawing was good. It was a good drawing. My little man was scared just like gromble's. And it wasn't just that one. There are eight or ten or... ! There are examples I can think of right off the top of my head!

Krumm: I think this is going to take a while.

[???]

Skritch: ...and in the end After all my hard work Who ended up with the bone? The Gromble. He was the one who got to be a teacher. It's not fair. The teacher's bone should have been mine.

Gromble: But you never studied. You never did your homework. You never applied yourself to anything.

Skritch: That's not true. No one works harder than I do.

Gromble: So what have you been doing for the past 300 years?

Skritch: Buying lottery tickets. And dreaming of the day That I would take from you the one thing you took from me. My life... As a teacher. And now I've done it. Your class is my class now. They love me.

Gromble: You think you can win my class over Just by letting them play a day or two of slimeball?

Ickis: Um... You did assign a lot of homework.

Gromble: What about Oblina? She'll see right through you.

Skritch: She already has. But I think you've seen The last of that little troublemaker.

[Everyone gasps]

Gromble: The students will figure you out.

Skritch: What's to figure out? I've got the bone, so I'm the teacher. And my students love me.

Gromble: You're no teacher.

Skritch: Oh? You don't see anyone else Holding a bone around here, do you? No, I'm the only one holding a bone.

Oblina: think again...

Skritch. Oballni, you're alive. And you came back. How foolish.

Oblina: It is my turn to be teacher, Skritch.

Skritch: Oh, really? And what's on the lesson plan today, oballni?

Oblina: Oh, just how to pronounce my name. (Yelling)

[???]

Monster: Oh, my!

Skritch: Stand still, you meddlesome stick!

Oblina: My name... Is O-bli-na!

Skritch: Class, help me! Grab her! We'll play slimeball! There'll never be homework again!

Gromble: Untie the Gromble, Ickis and Krummy! And call the police monster!

Gromble: Skritch, I hope this whole business has shown you: Taking something doesn't make it yours. Hard work, that's the only way to get what you want. Like Oblina here. What she wants, she works at. That's why she's a good student. And a hero.

Skritch: You're right, Gromble. I think I've found something I care about enough To really work at it.

Gromble: That's the spirit... Work, work, work!

[???]

Guard: Skritch, come on, time to eat.

Skritch: I'm working.

Guard: Skritch, dinner!

Skritch: I told you, I'm working.

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